I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
