STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
