Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
