that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
