she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
