I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
