If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
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