I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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