I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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