Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
