i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Who died my cat blue again?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
