New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
