I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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