Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
