At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
