Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
