What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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