I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
