I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
