yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
