Your tits are I can't wait for
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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