did you get engaged???
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
