I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
