So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
