I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
