Having a random hookup so left but love u
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
