I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
