At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
