Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
