Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
