I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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