these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
