please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
