You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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