some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
