u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
