omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
