while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
