All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
