I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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