I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
