It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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