I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
