Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
