I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So many bounce houses so little time
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
