Yo dont text me then not text me
Nicole vs. Life
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
