I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
