it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
