my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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