...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
