So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
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