oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
