I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
